Speak to me!

How much do you talk?

Or, to put it another way, how long do you think you spend talking each day?

The answer may surprise you.

In the UK, we only actually talk for an average of twelve minutes per day, and it’s a decreasing figure.

During my time working for a large banking corporation in Canary Wharf, London, I found it curious how little face-to-face talking my colleagues and I actually did – especially considering the headcount was in the thousands and we worked in a large open-plan office block. In fact, although it was by far the largest company I had worked for at that point, I had never been quieter professionally.

Living in a city of seven million-odd people, I would most weekday mornings, amble along to my local underground station, whereupon I would board a train and sit, or more likely stand, in complete silence with two dozen other commuters. If I had ever decided to strike up a conversation with my fellow travellers, they would I’m sure have done what I do in that situation, which is to get off at the next stop and surreptitiously hop into the adjacent carriage. This is because anyone who tries to talk to a stranger in London about anything except how to get to Victoria Coach Station is obviously disturbed and dangerous to be around.

On disembarking, and before entering the massive glass and steel monolith that was my place of work, I would usually get some breakfast from a nearby supermarket, and, once again, the exchange of money for goods would invariably play out in complete silence. The check-out person, rather than telling me, would expect me to read the amount due from their till display. I would do so and hand over my debit card. They would then silently point to the card machine, I would put in my card, tap in my pin code, retrieve the card myself before packing my own bag with my breakfast goodies. It was at this point that I would thank the check-out person for, I can only assume, not spitting in my face or whacking me around the head with a ‘next customer’ doohickey.

I would then continue the journey to my desk and spend most of the day emailing people who are sat at the same pod of desks as me, or, very occasionally, phoning someone, praying of course that they weren’t there so I could leave a message asking them to email me back.

On joining the company, I didn’t set out to work in this way, but it was the culture, and I was assimilated.

Admittedly, I’m exaggerating slightly for comic effect, and my working life wasn’t completely devoid of human contact. Many delegates on my Communication Skills events however have admitted that the above description was a pretty accurate summation of their day-to-day working lives. For these seemingly gregarious individuals, the issue was one of security and control. If they avoided professional face-to-face conversations, then they avoided the risk of finding themselves in unfamiliar territory; in a situation where they felt uncomfortable, ill-prepared, not in control, under pressure. The fewer face-to-face conversations they had, the more uncomfortable they found the idea of having one, so the more they would seek to avoid them.

Let’s face it, when it comes down to it, it’s a drag having to actually talk to someone isn’t it? And it’s even more of a drag having to listen as they talk.

But it can become a need to remain in our own hermetically-sealed bubble as much as possible, to remain in tight control of our own life, and so survive in a world we have no real control over. Combine this with a kind of cultural laissez-faire attitude to the workplace, and the once noisy bustle of the British office may become replaced with the stale soundtrack of keyboard tap-tapping, intermittent coughing and muffled footsteps. Should people have to leave an office environment to make a phone call so as not to disturb the ambience? They certainly did in my office.

Maybe it’s a banking thing, or a London or big-city thing. Maybe it comes down to the individual person. It certainly seems to be a work-related thing, as few of us have any problem chatting away to our friends and family. To be honest, I don’t know – I can only comment on what I personally have experienced and been told.

If you experience it however, there can be an upside. Consider the amount of time you can save by bucking the trend and actually talking to those people you would normally email.

Also, because face-to-face conversations in the workplace are becoming rarer, when you do make the effort to have a little work-related banter with someone, it becomes a rather memorable occurrence in the minds of both parties. Think of a conversation you had yesterday – the first one that pops into your mind. Was it an email conversation, over the telephone or a face-to-face encounter? Chances are it was a face-to-face encounter; a conversation that included a whole extra sensory layer of non-verbal communication – facial expressions, gestures and movement, even clothing and hairstyle, regional accent and tone.

It is these layers of verbal, vocal and visual communication that would have combined to make the experience more memorable.

So to make a real impact on people, to ensure your messages resonate and are remembered, to be influential and save time, the process is simple:

- Leave your computer and telephone alone.
- Stand up
- Walk over to the person with whom you wish to communicate.
- Talk to them.

Try it. Commit to replacing 25% of your emails with a face-to-face chat (if the recipient is relatively nearby of course) or a telephone conversation, and see for yourself the difference it makes.

The world is a microcosm teaming with people having unique and enriching encounters. They validate our experiences, teach us things and entertain. To cut ourselves off from such a massive part of the human experience would be a great loss.

Agree? Disagree? I’m always really chuffed to hear your thoughts and feedback. Email me at seth.wainwright@matchettgroup.com