Tell me something interesting about some of the people you work with.
Perhaps:
• Bob has a banana and crisp sandwich every day for lunch.
• Jacqui is a part-time line dancing instructor.
• Kevin is responsible for that slightly odd odour that permeates the area of the office by the photocopier.
Don’t underestimate how much of what you know about your colleagues is inferred from the process of simply being with them in the same room. For a manager, that knowledge, gained from corridor conversations, water-cooler moments and casual observation is a big part of what enables effective leadership. Arguably, this is one of the reasons why large open-plan offices are increasingly the norm.
If you are managing a team, perhaps look it at this way:
How much of what you know about the ability and attitude of individuals in your team, their strengths and weaknesses and how they relate to their team-mates, comes from actual formal 1-2-1s and team meetings?
So pity the poor remote manager. How much of this vital knowledge is lost purely because the leader never sits with his or her troops? More importantly, what do they have to do to acquire this vital knowledge by other means?
Ultimately, the remote team manager has to be far more proactive. You cannot provide direction, create harmony, and empower your people reactively, by putting out fires if you are so far away you don’t even see the smoke. And it takes a very courageous person to ring up their manager and admit to having set the place alight.
Put simply, a remote manager cannot find and deal with problems that are invisible to them, and it requires a giant leap of faith to expect every problem to come and find them. If you yourself manage remotely, do you believe your people would happily pick up the phone and admit ‘Hey boss, sorry to disturb you during your crucial multiparty negotiation but I’ve gone and dropped a right clanger’?
If the answer is yes, then well done you. You have a found a way to weave trust, open communication and fairness into the fabric of your team – from a distance. That’s some achievement.
In my experience, remote managers often refer to their critical success factor as this: the ‘open-door’ policy, an often implied team protocol whereby each individual can, and should, feel comfortable in approaching their manager with their issues, concerns and clangers safe in the knowledge that said manager’s focus will be squarely on fixing it quickly and rationally. The manager will not apportion blame or turn a dark shade of puce and beat their loyal hireling around the head and neck with a unopened wad of A4 copy paper. Naturally, on asking the team whether this is, in fact, the case, the response is often a loud snort of derision, or more commonly, at least for the remote worker, the comeback that there is no point in your manager having an open-door policy when the door, and indeed the office, is over three hundred and fifty miles away.
So what one single thing can the modern remote team manager focus on to acquire real knowledge of their team’s abilities and attitude, their hopes and fears, talents and levels of personal hygiene? The easy answer is to consider how they can really create a culture wherein issues and problems come to them, as opposed to the manager having to seek them out if and when they have time. Mostly by email and telephone.
The reality is that this is often a complex transition which can only succeed if the team has is built on a solid foundation of trust, openness, kept-promises and effective communication. Perhaps eliciting feedback from your team on how solid they believe their particular foundation is, will provide a valuable starting point for your journey.
Friday 9 October 2009
Wednesday 23 September 2009
Write Less - and Achieve More!
I am reading an article in this morning’s Metro newspaper about the destruction of a shanty town in Calais, and the detainment if its migrant inhabitants, with great interest. According to Keith Best, of the charity The Immigration Advisory Service, “The liquidation of the jungle will have a transient effect.” Or, if I can translate this apparent piece of doublespeak into plain English, if they knock down the camp, these poor souls will probably just build a new one someplace else.
If I emailed this quote to some of my friends and colleagues around the world who, although not fluent, speak pretty good English, would they understand exactly what Mr Best means? It is often said that English is the global language of business. In my opinion, having worked extensively around the world, the global language of business is actually ‘pretty good English, although certainly not fluent’.
When running business writing workshops for my clients at Matchett, upon asking the delegates what feedback their business writing elicits, the number one response is:
“Positive, but maybe a bit too wordy.” Or:
“Good, but I tend to use five words when one would probably do” And often:
“I can be a bit flowery with my language”
‘Flowery’. Such a lovely word.
It is quite ironic therefore, that the more one enjoys language and is experienced and articulate in using it, the more one is likely to be a tad verbose, the more the resulting prose becomes rather discombobulating, and the more the reader perceives the author as faintly sesquipedalian.
Or to put it another way, the more you show off your so-called writing skills, the more likely your meaning is lost and you come across as a bit of a ponce.
Communicating in any form is about changing your audience: Changing how they feel, how they think, how they act. Published authors can choose to be a little indulgent with their prose as whoever is reading the book has chosen to pick it up and read it, and is therefore probably a fan of their particular style. Business writing is a little different however. Commonly, people don’t choose to read your email, report or memo because they are a fan of your creative writing, but rather because either they feel obliged to, or because there is a benefit in them doing so.
So is there a benefit in you reading this article? Well yes, I believe there is, as the key to successful writing is exactly that – articulating the benefit in reading the document as quickly, clearly and concisely as possible.
It has been said that we are bombarded with more information in a week than someone fifty years ago would have received over their entire lifespan. I shall leave it to you to decide whether that could be true, and exactly why it might be true. The following however, is true: On some ‘Business Writing’ courses they will spend some considerable time explaining why it is very bad form to end a sentence with a preposition, and explaining what a split-infinitive, exactly, is. Unless you are the next Dan Brown (Or even the current Dan Brown) there is a far more succinct and beneficial lesson to take away:
If you do, God forbid, happen to split an infinitive in your next executive summary, whether intentionally or not, the grammar police are not going to beat down your door, arrest you, take you to some dark governmental carbuncle and flagellate you vigorously with a hardback copy of ‘Eats Shoots and Leaves’.
Darn it, I’m getting all sesquipedalian again.
In business writing splitting an infinitive really doesn’t matter. Your main goal should always be to:
a) Communicate your meaning, the change you are looking to create, in the simplest language possible, and in the fewest number of words.
b) Give the reader something that makes their life better in some way – saves them money, time, gives them peace of mind. If they don’t know how the information does this – tell them.
If you do these two things, more of your audience will be motivated to pick up (or click on) your document, read it, absorb it, use it and make your change actually happen.
So, have I achieved that goal with this article? Well, you tell me. But keep it brief or I’ll probably read the paper instead.
If I emailed this quote to some of my friends and colleagues around the world who, although not fluent, speak pretty good English, would they understand exactly what Mr Best means? It is often said that English is the global language of business. In my opinion, having worked extensively around the world, the global language of business is actually ‘pretty good English, although certainly not fluent’.
When running business writing workshops for my clients at Matchett, upon asking the delegates what feedback their business writing elicits, the number one response is:
“Positive, but maybe a bit too wordy.” Or:
“Good, but I tend to use five words when one would probably do” And often:
“I can be a bit flowery with my language”
‘Flowery’. Such a lovely word.
It is quite ironic therefore, that the more one enjoys language and is experienced and articulate in using it, the more one is likely to be a tad verbose, the more the resulting prose becomes rather discombobulating, and the more the reader perceives the author as faintly sesquipedalian.
Or to put it another way, the more you show off your so-called writing skills, the more likely your meaning is lost and you come across as a bit of a ponce.
Communicating in any form is about changing your audience: Changing how they feel, how they think, how they act. Published authors can choose to be a little indulgent with their prose as whoever is reading the book has chosen to pick it up and read it, and is therefore probably a fan of their particular style. Business writing is a little different however. Commonly, people don’t choose to read your email, report or memo because they are a fan of your creative writing, but rather because either they feel obliged to, or because there is a benefit in them doing so.
So is there a benefit in you reading this article? Well yes, I believe there is, as the key to successful writing is exactly that – articulating the benefit in reading the document as quickly, clearly and concisely as possible.
It has been said that we are bombarded with more information in a week than someone fifty years ago would have received over their entire lifespan. I shall leave it to you to decide whether that could be true, and exactly why it might be true. The following however, is true: On some ‘Business Writing’ courses they will spend some considerable time explaining why it is very bad form to end a sentence with a preposition, and explaining what a split-infinitive, exactly, is. Unless you are the next Dan Brown (Or even the current Dan Brown) there is a far more succinct and beneficial lesson to take away:
If you do, God forbid, happen to split an infinitive in your next executive summary, whether intentionally or not, the grammar police are not going to beat down your door, arrest you, take you to some dark governmental carbuncle and flagellate you vigorously with a hardback copy of ‘Eats Shoots and Leaves’.
Darn it, I’m getting all sesquipedalian again.
In business writing splitting an infinitive really doesn’t matter. Your main goal should always be to:
a) Communicate your meaning, the change you are looking to create, in the simplest language possible, and in the fewest number of words.
b) Give the reader something that makes their life better in some way – saves them money, time, gives them peace of mind. If they don’t know how the information does this – tell them.
If you do these two things, more of your audience will be motivated to pick up (or click on) your document, read it, absorb it, use it and make your change actually happen.
So, have I achieved that goal with this article? Well, you tell me. But keep it brief or I’ll probably read the paper instead.
Tuesday 13 January 2009
Speak to me!
How much do you talk?
Or, to put it another way, how long do you think you spend talking each day?
The answer may surprise you.
In the UK, we only actually talk for an average of twelve minutes per day, and it’s a decreasing figure.
During my time working for a large banking corporation in Canary Wharf, London, I found it curious how little face-to-face talking my colleagues and I actually did – especially considering the headcount was in the thousands and we worked in a large open-plan office block. In fact, although it was by far the largest company I had worked for at that point, I had never been quieter professionally.
Living in a city of seven million-odd people, I would most weekday mornings, amble along to my local underground station, whereupon I would board a train and sit, or more likely stand, in complete silence with two dozen other commuters. If I had ever decided to strike up a conversation with my fellow travellers, they would I’m sure have done what I do in that situation, which is to get off at the next stop and surreptitiously hop into the adjacent carriage. This is because anyone who tries to talk to a stranger in London about anything except how to get to Victoria Coach Station is obviously disturbed and dangerous to be around.
On disembarking, and before entering the massive glass and steel monolith that was my place of work, I would usually get some breakfast from a nearby supermarket, and, once again, the exchange of money for goods would invariably play out in complete silence. The check-out person, rather than telling me, would expect me to read the amount due from their till display. I would do so and hand over my debit card. They would then silently point to the card machine, I would put in my card, tap in my pin code, retrieve the card myself before packing my own bag with my breakfast goodies. It was at this point that I would thank the check-out person for, I can only assume, not spitting in my face or whacking me around the head with a ‘next customer’ doohickey.
I would then continue the journey to my desk and spend most of the day emailing people who are sat at the same pod of desks as me, or, very occasionally, phoning someone, praying of course that they weren’t there so I could leave a message asking them to email me back.
On joining the company, I didn’t set out to work in this way, but it was the culture, and I was assimilated.
Admittedly, I’m exaggerating slightly for comic effect, and my working life wasn’t completely devoid of human contact. Many delegates on my Communication Skills events however have admitted that the above description was a pretty accurate summation of their day-to-day working lives. For these seemingly gregarious individuals, the issue was one of security and control. If they avoided professional face-to-face conversations, then they avoided the risk of finding themselves in unfamiliar territory; in a situation where they felt uncomfortable, ill-prepared, not in control, under pressure. The fewer face-to-face conversations they had, the more uncomfortable they found the idea of having one, so the more they would seek to avoid them.
Let’s face it, when it comes down to it, it’s a drag having to actually talk to someone isn’t it? And it’s even more of a drag having to listen as they talk.
But it can become a need to remain in our own hermetically-sealed bubble as much as possible, to remain in tight control of our own life, and so survive in a world we have no real control over. Combine this with a kind of cultural laissez-faire attitude to the workplace, and the once noisy bustle of the British office may become replaced with the stale soundtrack of keyboard tap-tapping, intermittent coughing and muffled footsteps. Should people have to leave an office environment to make a phone call so as not to disturb the ambience? They certainly did in my office.
Maybe it’s a banking thing, or a London or big-city thing. Maybe it comes down to the individual person. It certainly seems to be a work-related thing, as few of us have any problem chatting away to our friends and family. To be honest, I don’t know – I can only comment on what I personally have experienced and been told.
If you experience it however, there can be an upside. Consider the amount of time you can save by bucking the trend and actually talking to those people you would normally email.
Also, because face-to-face conversations in the workplace are becoming rarer, when you do make the effort to have a little work-related banter with someone, it becomes a rather memorable occurrence in the minds of both parties. Think of a conversation you had yesterday – the first one that pops into your mind. Was it an email conversation, over the telephone or a face-to-face encounter? Chances are it was a face-to-face encounter; a conversation that included a whole extra sensory layer of non-verbal communication – facial expressions, gestures and movement, even clothing and hairstyle, regional accent and tone.
It is these layers of verbal, vocal and visual communication that would have combined to make the experience more memorable.
So to make a real impact on people, to ensure your messages resonate and are remembered, to be influential and save time, the process is simple:
- Leave your computer and telephone alone.
- Stand up
- Walk over to the person with whom you wish to communicate.
- Talk to them.
Try it. Commit to replacing 25% of your emails with a face-to-face chat (if the recipient is relatively nearby of course) or a telephone conversation, and see for yourself the difference it makes.
The world is a microcosm teaming with people having unique and enriching encounters. They validate our experiences, teach us things and entertain. To cut ourselves off from such a massive part of the human experience would be a great loss.
Agree? Disagree? I’m always really chuffed to hear your thoughts and feedback. Email me at seth.wainwright@matchettgroup.com
Or, to put it another way, how long do you think you spend talking each day?
The answer may surprise you.
In the UK, we only actually talk for an average of twelve minutes per day, and it’s a decreasing figure.
During my time working for a large banking corporation in Canary Wharf, London, I found it curious how little face-to-face talking my colleagues and I actually did – especially considering the headcount was in the thousands and we worked in a large open-plan office block. In fact, although it was by far the largest company I had worked for at that point, I had never been quieter professionally.
Living in a city of seven million-odd people, I would most weekday mornings, amble along to my local underground station, whereupon I would board a train and sit, or more likely stand, in complete silence with two dozen other commuters. If I had ever decided to strike up a conversation with my fellow travellers, they would I’m sure have done what I do in that situation, which is to get off at the next stop and surreptitiously hop into the adjacent carriage. This is because anyone who tries to talk to a stranger in London about anything except how to get to Victoria Coach Station is obviously disturbed and dangerous to be around.
On disembarking, and before entering the massive glass and steel monolith that was my place of work, I would usually get some breakfast from a nearby supermarket, and, once again, the exchange of money for goods would invariably play out in complete silence. The check-out person, rather than telling me, would expect me to read the amount due from their till display. I would do so and hand over my debit card. They would then silently point to the card machine, I would put in my card, tap in my pin code, retrieve the card myself before packing my own bag with my breakfast goodies. It was at this point that I would thank the check-out person for, I can only assume, not spitting in my face or whacking me around the head with a ‘next customer’ doohickey.
I would then continue the journey to my desk and spend most of the day emailing people who are sat at the same pod of desks as me, or, very occasionally, phoning someone, praying of course that they weren’t there so I could leave a message asking them to email me back.
On joining the company, I didn’t set out to work in this way, but it was the culture, and I was assimilated.
Admittedly, I’m exaggerating slightly for comic effect, and my working life wasn’t completely devoid of human contact. Many delegates on my Communication Skills events however have admitted that the above description was a pretty accurate summation of their day-to-day working lives. For these seemingly gregarious individuals, the issue was one of security and control. If they avoided professional face-to-face conversations, then they avoided the risk of finding themselves in unfamiliar territory; in a situation where they felt uncomfortable, ill-prepared, not in control, under pressure. The fewer face-to-face conversations they had, the more uncomfortable they found the idea of having one, so the more they would seek to avoid them.
Let’s face it, when it comes down to it, it’s a drag having to actually talk to someone isn’t it? And it’s even more of a drag having to listen as they talk.
But it can become a need to remain in our own hermetically-sealed bubble as much as possible, to remain in tight control of our own life, and so survive in a world we have no real control over. Combine this with a kind of cultural laissez-faire attitude to the workplace, and the once noisy bustle of the British office may become replaced with the stale soundtrack of keyboard tap-tapping, intermittent coughing and muffled footsteps. Should people have to leave an office environment to make a phone call so as not to disturb the ambience? They certainly did in my office.
Maybe it’s a banking thing, or a London or big-city thing. Maybe it comes down to the individual person. It certainly seems to be a work-related thing, as few of us have any problem chatting away to our friends and family. To be honest, I don’t know – I can only comment on what I personally have experienced and been told.
If you experience it however, there can be an upside. Consider the amount of time you can save by bucking the trend and actually talking to those people you would normally email.
Also, because face-to-face conversations in the workplace are becoming rarer, when you do make the effort to have a little work-related banter with someone, it becomes a rather memorable occurrence in the minds of both parties. Think of a conversation you had yesterday – the first one that pops into your mind. Was it an email conversation, over the telephone or a face-to-face encounter? Chances are it was a face-to-face encounter; a conversation that included a whole extra sensory layer of non-verbal communication – facial expressions, gestures and movement, even clothing and hairstyle, regional accent and tone.
It is these layers of verbal, vocal and visual communication that would have combined to make the experience more memorable.
So to make a real impact on people, to ensure your messages resonate and are remembered, to be influential and save time, the process is simple:
- Leave your computer and telephone alone.
- Stand up
- Walk over to the person with whom you wish to communicate.
- Talk to them.
Try it. Commit to replacing 25% of your emails with a face-to-face chat (if the recipient is relatively nearby of course) or a telephone conversation, and see for yourself the difference it makes.
The world is a microcosm teaming with people having unique and enriching encounters. They validate our experiences, teach us things and entertain. To cut ourselves off from such a massive part of the human experience would be a great loss.
Agree? Disagree? I’m always really chuffed to hear your thoughts and feedback. Email me at seth.wainwright@matchettgroup.com
Saturday 13 December 2008
I feel therefore I am
My beautiful little newborn son has arrived and just as I have been shamelessly crowbarring his arrival into all my conversations, (with family, friends, the woman behind the counter in the off licence, the nice man in India who rang to sell me a new mobile phone plan etc), I am now going to shamelessly crowbar him into this blog.
So how do I connect the birth of Huxley James Wainwright with 'personal and professional effectiveness and the freedom of the mind'?
You know what? I'm not even going to try. He's been successfully crowbarred - job done.
Although something did genuinely occur to me at the hospital. People often ask me if I really practice what I preach in the programs that I run. In other words, all the techniques and approaches I teach and promote, do I actually use them myself, or is it a case of do as I say, not as I do?
It's a fair point, and the honest answer is no I don’t, because any given 'technique' won’t work for everyone. It's like shopping for a pair of jeans; you keep trying on different pairs until you find one that fits, feels comfortable, and doesn't make you look stupid.
During the 36 or so hours I spent with my incredibly brave, amazingly strong fianceé in the labour ward, waiting for Huxley to manoeuvre himself out and into the world, I sat on a chair next to her bed wondering: Is there a NLP technique or a reframing approach or perhaps a relaxation exercise that I can use to make this experience less tiring and stressful?
The answer came to me very quickly:
Probably, but I'm not going to use it.
I'm not waiting to 'present to the board', I'm not pitching to a potential new client or preparing for a team performance review. This is the birth of my child, and I want to feel everything I should be feeling for exactly that reason - I should be feeling it.
The stress, fear, fatigue and helplessness I felt in that delivery room as I watched the woman I love more than anything endure suffering upon suffering was almost unbearable. But it was also an incredible, unsullied, and dazzling fragment of life - something stripped of the now seemingly unimportant and faintly ridiculous minutiae of modern existence. Huxley Wainwright's very first act (with a little help from his Mummy of course) was to immediately sweep thirty-four years of triviality deep into the shadowy corners of my mind, so that now, I can barely see any of it. And, in doing so, he has left room for a lifetime of memories of us – our new family.
Sometimes you have to stop thinking and just be. Look around, listen, breathe and feel alive in the truest sense of the word, and, ultimately, glory in the privilege of being alive, and being with people you love, and who love you.
So how do I connect the birth of Huxley James Wainwright with 'personal and professional effectiveness and the freedom of the mind'?
You know what? I'm not even going to try. He's been successfully crowbarred - job done.
Although something did genuinely occur to me at the hospital. People often ask me if I really practice what I preach in the programs that I run. In other words, all the techniques and approaches I teach and promote, do I actually use them myself, or is it a case of do as I say, not as I do?
It's a fair point, and the honest answer is no I don’t, because any given 'technique' won’t work for everyone. It's like shopping for a pair of jeans; you keep trying on different pairs until you find one that fits, feels comfortable, and doesn't make you look stupid.
During the 36 or so hours I spent with my incredibly brave, amazingly strong fianceé in the labour ward, waiting for Huxley to manoeuvre himself out and into the world, I sat on a chair next to her bed wondering: Is there a NLP technique or a reframing approach or perhaps a relaxation exercise that I can use to make this experience less tiring and stressful?
The answer came to me very quickly:
Probably, but I'm not going to use it.
I'm not waiting to 'present to the board', I'm not pitching to a potential new client or preparing for a team performance review. This is the birth of my child, and I want to feel everything I should be feeling for exactly that reason - I should be feeling it.
The stress, fear, fatigue and helplessness I felt in that delivery room as I watched the woman I love more than anything endure suffering upon suffering was almost unbearable. But it was also an incredible, unsullied, and dazzling fragment of life - something stripped of the now seemingly unimportant and faintly ridiculous minutiae of modern existence. Huxley Wainwright's very first act (with a little help from his Mummy of course) was to immediately sweep thirty-four years of triviality deep into the shadowy corners of my mind, so that now, I can barely see any of it. And, in doing so, he has left room for a lifetime of memories of us – our new family.
Sometimes you have to stop thinking and just be. Look around, listen, breathe and feel alive in the truest sense of the word, and, ultimately, glory in the privilege of being alive, and being with people you love, and who love you.
Thursday 4 December 2008
Hot Words
“What’s important to you?”
Sometimes I get asked a question and my answer is already prepared and ready to go. It’s probably an answer I’ve given many times before, and I keep it on mental file, perhaps updating it from time to time as my life moves on. When required, I can quickly locate it, hit my internal play button, and out it comes.
“What line of work are you in..?”
“Do you live locally?”
“Why are you so wonderful?”
Alright, maybe not that last one.
In this respect you are probably much the same as me. Such answers require little thought, and you certainly tend to learn very little about yourself.
Some answers however, are not on file, and require you to really consider your thoughts, attitudes and feelings before they can be verbalised. Sometimes these thoughts, attitudes and feelings form and crystallise as you begin verbalising the answer.
In fact I often find I don’t know how strongly I feel about something until I start talking about it. I might start my reply by saying “Well, to be honest I have no strong feelings one way or the other...”
Three minutes in however and I’m red-faced and blustering:
“AND I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE THAT NARKS ME RIGHT OFF ABOUT RUDDY POLITICIANS/KIDS/GLOBAL WARNING/CARAVANS” (delete as appropriate).
Much of what is really important to us is not in our conscious awareness. Such things often struggle to slot into our world view (which we tend to like to keep as simple as possible). Whilst we are busy living our lives, looking after our family, building a career or bellowing at the driver of the caravan doing twenty-five in front of us, they become muddled or are lost altogether.
Although our values might not be articulated, if we find ourselves having to do something that is fundamentally in opposition to them, we can feel a strong ‘pull’ within. It may feel like a ‘gut reaction’, a feeling of general unease or ‘something in your water’. Whatever the impression, it often makes good sense to pay special attention to these ‘pulls’.
Just as we tend to like people who are like us, we are particularly attracted to those who share our values. We will spend time with them, listen to them – be influenced by them. Another way to look at that fact is like this:You can influence others by reflecting back their values.
The next time you are talking to a colleague, are down the pub or with friends, try asking one of them:
“In life, what’s important to you?”
Or
“What’s important to you about your career?” or “Describe your perfect day?”
These are questions that very few people have pre-prepared answers for. They are questions that force the recipient to really think about their values, perceptions, priorities, aspirations and fears. Usually, the speaker will listen as keenly to their own answer as the listener, seemingly learning new and important things about themselves.
Within such answers some words and phrases will be repeated. These repetitions indicate the true values of this person, and, if reflected back will build a strong rapport – an unconscious bond – with them. Words such as:
Security
Happiness
Family
Independence
Achievement
Time
And there are many more.
Here’s an example of how value words can be reflected back as an influencing strategy:
Let’s say I’m recruiting for a job within my company and I really like one particular candidate – Bob. Bob however is still undecided as to whether he will take this job, or another he has been offered. So I ask Bob what he liked about his previous job.
In all likelihood this would initiate a fairly expansive answer, and I would listen carefully, picking out and remembering value-based or ‘hot’ words and phrases - particularly if I heard these words and phrases more than once. Bob’s hot words might be:
Challenging
Reward
Responsibility
Satisfaction
Development
Variety
A little further into the interview (I’d give it a good ten minutes or so) when I come to describe the role I am recruiting for, I would describe it thusly:
“Well Bob, ultimately, although the work is varied, I know our other managers get a huge amount of satisfaction from the challenges this role brings. There’s a fantastic opportunity for the successful candidate to really develop their skills and build a rewarding, challenging career – although they would have to be comfortable with a lot of responsibility…”
Manipulative? Not if everything I said to Bob was true. Not if I simply picked certain aspects of the role that reflected Bob’s values, and emphasised those over the others.
This ‘Hot Words’ technique can be highly effective if it is used judiciously, with honesty and respect.
So, the next time you and your partner are driving to the cinema and are considering which film to watch, why not try this rather clever technique:
“Darling, describe your perfect film...”
Sometimes I get asked a question and my answer is already prepared and ready to go. It’s probably an answer I’ve given many times before, and I keep it on mental file, perhaps updating it from time to time as my life moves on. When required, I can quickly locate it, hit my internal play button, and out it comes.
“What line of work are you in..?”
“Do you live locally?”
“Why are you so wonderful?”
Alright, maybe not that last one.
In this respect you are probably much the same as me. Such answers require little thought, and you certainly tend to learn very little about yourself.
Some answers however, are not on file, and require you to really consider your thoughts, attitudes and feelings before they can be verbalised. Sometimes these thoughts, attitudes and feelings form and crystallise as you begin verbalising the answer.
In fact I often find I don’t know how strongly I feel about something until I start talking about it. I might start my reply by saying “Well, to be honest I have no strong feelings one way or the other...”
Three minutes in however and I’m red-faced and blustering:
“AND I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE THAT NARKS ME RIGHT OFF ABOUT RUDDY POLITICIANS/KIDS/GLOBAL WARNING/CARAVANS” (delete as appropriate).
Much of what is really important to us is not in our conscious awareness. Such things often struggle to slot into our world view (which we tend to like to keep as simple as possible). Whilst we are busy living our lives, looking after our family, building a career or bellowing at the driver of the caravan doing twenty-five in front of us, they become muddled or are lost altogether.
Although our values might not be articulated, if we find ourselves having to do something that is fundamentally in opposition to them, we can feel a strong ‘pull’ within. It may feel like a ‘gut reaction’, a feeling of general unease or ‘something in your water’. Whatever the impression, it often makes good sense to pay special attention to these ‘pulls’.
Just as we tend to like people who are like us, we are particularly attracted to those who share our values. We will spend time with them, listen to them – be influenced by them. Another way to look at that fact is like this:You can influence others by reflecting back their values.
The next time you are talking to a colleague, are down the pub or with friends, try asking one of them:
“In life, what’s important to you?”
Or
“What’s important to you about your career?” or “Describe your perfect day?”
These are questions that very few people have pre-prepared answers for. They are questions that force the recipient to really think about their values, perceptions, priorities, aspirations and fears. Usually, the speaker will listen as keenly to their own answer as the listener, seemingly learning new and important things about themselves.
Within such answers some words and phrases will be repeated. These repetitions indicate the true values of this person, and, if reflected back will build a strong rapport – an unconscious bond – with them. Words such as:
Security
Happiness
Family
Independence
Achievement
Time
And there are many more.
Here’s an example of how value words can be reflected back as an influencing strategy:
Let’s say I’m recruiting for a job within my company and I really like one particular candidate – Bob. Bob however is still undecided as to whether he will take this job, or another he has been offered. So I ask Bob what he liked about his previous job.
In all likelihood this would initiate a fairly expansive answer, and I would listen carefully, picking out and remembering value-based or ‘hot’ words and phrases - particularly if I heard these words and phrases more than once. Bob’s hot words might be:
Challenging
Reward
Responsibility
Satisfaction
Development
Variety
A little further into the interview (I’d give it a good ten minutes or so) when I come to describe the role I am recruiting for, I would describe it thusly:
“Well Bob, ultimately, although the work is varied, I know our other managers get a huge amount of satisfaction from the challenges this role brings. There’s a fantastic opportunity for the successful candidate to really develop their skills and build a rewarding, challenging career – although they would have to be comfortable with a lot of responsibility…”
Manipulative? Not if everything I said to Bob was true. Not if I simply picked certain aspects of the role that reflected Bob’s values, and emphasised those over the others.
This ‘Hot Words’ technique can be highly effective if it is used judiciously, with honesty and respect.
So, the next time you and your partner are driving to the cinema and are considering which film to watch, why not try this rather clever technique:
“Darling, describe your perfect film...”
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